Love. Hope. Dream.

Assalamualaikum and hi everyone.

It's June already. And we currently in the middle of Syaaban. Ramadhan is just around the corner! Alhamdulillah. May Allah give HIS will to us stay until the end of Ramadhan.

It's has been a while since I'm not write any post here. Well, so many things to settle first.

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Back then in May, i was a lil bit excited but at the same time feel sorry for few things. I dont know. Well i guess its human nature to have those feeling where u can easily felt happy but then things might make your tears dropped without you want it.

As time goes by, i felt empty. 
Lonely..
Have some lacking parts within my heart.
Why?
IDK (i dont know)

I guess i quite far from the Lord.
Ya Allah make me close to you.
Calm me and make me felt im not lonely.
You are sufficient enough for me.

The truth is,
among all my best friends,
im the one and only left behind.
They are all married.
And us.. Yes we still best friends.
but it wont be the same like our old days.

i feel i lost them.
well how can i say.
the things is, things are different from before.
differ from what we used to be.

they got hubby, even they already have their own babies.
while me? Ummm im still grateful. 
Allah had planned a very nice and great journey for me.
Alhamdulillah!

Parts of me saying that
i dont need a man to make me happy.
to make me living.
and all what i need is to love me, myself.
rather than giving loves, hopes and dreams to the opposite gender.
i admit, it sounds like broken-heart or what so ever.

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But then, im completely feel free and comfortable with current situation.
its easy.
free.
and i dont need to think about any other matter unless about my mom and me.
the rest? Not yet.

Some said to see the shining and tender of a rainbow, there will be rain- heavy rain, storm, and even thunder.
only after those things, we could see the adorable rainbow. Of course it must be with Allah's will.

hummm..
what else?
some part of me also saying that, what i need the most is to complete my vision, mission and my targets.
what i love to be...
what i want to be..
and what i need to accomplish.

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to be a writer.. That's what im eager for..
to be a doctor of philosophy, that's what i want.
to be a teacher/lecturer it's my ambition since i was 6th.
to have my own business, boutique for female couture it also one of my dream since i was 10th.
to open up a book cafe, where the concept is to relax, comfy, and cozy is also one of my dreams as well.

i have lots and many things that i wanted so much.
but im quite frustrated with me my self.
why marriage wasnt the first priority that i should go for? 
i keep thinking.
and it couldnt make me stop from worrying about me.

does love is too hurt?
does love is so suffered?
i've experience it once.
and i dont want to feel that again.
to me its pointless.
meaningless.

but i have to admit, at least i learned the lesson.
to marrying someone, at least you need courage and brave enough as to live with the strangers for the rest of your life.
i dont want to risk my life by simply marrying anybody.
you can call me risk adverse type of person or anything.
i'm a risk taker perhaps in any other matters, but not marriage.

i found, im quite skeptical and reserve person. 
not easy to trust anybody and surely not easy due to giving my love to anybody.

*sigh*
Well i bet only the right person can broke the icey and cold heart of mine.
to me, love is not a things.
but love is ones life.
once its broken, 
the heart will die.

p/s: still hoping that i will meet my jodoh as soon as possible.

These Two Years....

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It has been two years....

The first time i started the MBA journey, is two years ago.
A tough decision indeed.
In dilemma whether to further or to settle down-married.

Based on my Istikharah, the most preferred is to go for MBA.
Why?
There's no accurate answer.
It's because, already stated for my story -my Life journey. 
That, Allah SWT had planned for me.

Through much pain, laugh, joys, happiness.
All the beauty of sweet, sour and spicy moments..
Good results, bad..
Those taught me something.
Really something.
It's an believable experience!  

I've started missing everyone.
Everyone that i knew these past 2 years.
They are- we were just like a big family.

Some of them came from China, Japan, and even from India and Pakistan.
I met kak Lina, from Brunei.
Li Xiao Jia from China.
We argue each other. But both, me and him still can laugh like there's nothing happend earlier.

i do met,
Olu from Nigeria.
And Shinnosuke form Japan.
And Abid, the first foreign male student i've talked to.
Such a multiracial!

Those Malaysian,
Kak Gee, though thick and thin, she always with me.
Kak Faith, Kak Soliha, Su, Alin, Fiza.
Mai, Kaamini who is so friendly.
And many more!

Emma and brilliant girl from Indonesia, Putri.
The Sofie, beautiful young lady from KL,
Yatie the businesswoman.
and Fatin, the korean fashion followers.

Abang Assari, the only Male guy from Malaysia,
And Abang Zafrul..
Those others that i'm still remember the faces.

I'm started missing everyone.
in life, we met so many people. 
they actually placed in some room in our heart.

the moment we cried together, laugh and even arguing each other clearly being portray in my mind.

Time really flies..
So fast!
They never failed to cheer me up.

whenever i go down,
they helped me.
together push me up..
burn up my sadness into treasure joys and happiness
they never look down on me.
they even said that i'm the choose one to be here.
Alhamdulillah..!

Yes, i do loved them.
They coloured my journey very well.
Thank you ALLAH,
for sending them to me.
I've learnt so much these past two years.

They knew..
They knew how i owe them much.
For the sharing of knowledge..
for the moral support given.
They are so nice to me!

Some,
they already back for good.
and some will go..
By end of this month.

i'm started missing them..
Hope we will meet again...

Thank you.
Thank you all..

And, this song...

There's a message behind this beautiful lyric.
Take the lesson.

But.
Honestly..
I'm never regret with these and everything.
HE planned the very best that fits me well.
Without failure.

People are come and go..
But the memories, remains..

This is just one of the beginning of something.
Even though there's the 'the end' of every chapter.
The so-called 'the end' is the 'beginning' for the new one.

It's hard to say good bye,
while we still hope,
the time will not pass.

All is all,
i hope things went well for us.
So long friends,
Bon Voyage........